| Conversations |
[Oct. 4th, 2008|08:38 am] |
The American Heritage dictionary defines conversation as “The spoken exchange of thoughts, opinions, and feelings; talk.”
So, I guess what I had yesterday weren’t really conversations since they weren’t spoken, they were just over chat, but in this day and age who really cares about that? Anyway, yesterday, I had two very distinct conversations that really got me thinking.
I was first going to write this post all about respect because of the content of the first conversation, but I got even more rambly than usual when I tried that and then I had the second conversation with somebody else that also got me thinking. That being said, the first conversation wasn’t about respect at all. It was about two different things: 1) My friend finally had had enough and went off on me about how I’ve been neglecting my kittens so much and 2) She went off on me for not being registered to vote and not wanting to be.
Now, I could have dismissed this as her just having a bad day, but no. Every single thing she had to say was true. I really had been neglecting the kittens that I love. And the really bad thing is that my friends had been trying to tell me that, but I was too dense to see it. It took the kittens acting out and tearing through the carpeting for me to come to the realization that giving them all the food and water they could need was NOT taking care of them. When I figured that out I immediately decided I needed make amends.
But I fucked up an approached the subject the wrong way with Tanja. Somehow, she felt like I was trying to say I didn’t want to spend time with her….Which was a tough conversation because I was trying to say was that I needed to spend more time at my house with them and I wanted her to be there with me, but she was just hearing the first half of that. But that is neither here nor there. Eventually we got it straightened out, it just took time.
I really am trying to do better by the kittens and we’ve been spending more time at my house. In fact, every day this week I’ve been here loving on the kittens and her at the same time. Its been great and Tanja has said the same thing.
We just need to work on a balance. I’ve never actually been in a serious relationship or had any pets. So, I’ve been kind of lost on how to do that. But I AM trying the best I can. And I really appreciate my friend caring enough to go off on me about it and only wish I could have seen her and the others words for what they were sooner.
The other part of the conversation I had with her was more difficult, because its not something I had been trying to fix and not even something I ever considered “fixing”. I am not and have never been registered to vote. She seems to believe very vehemently that this is going to be the most important election of our lives. She flat out told me that if I did not vote she would lose any respect she had left for me (which is hurt more than you’d think because I honestly thought I had already lost all respect I might have had).
That simple statement is the only thing in my whole life that ever even made me consider registering. All my life, I have hated all things politic. My family is very religious and has some very strong beliefs associated with that. Beliefs that I generally don’t agree with. Now, you might think that would make me want to vote against them right? Nope.
I think that comes from my brother. He loves politics, and more than just that he loves arguing politics even when its not something he believes at all. He just likes to get people riled up and he is so good at it that he can argue either side of an issue passionately and thoroughly. I hated the conflict this caused in my family and still do. So I avoid all such conversations.
It also showed me that every single issue had pros and cons for both sides of the argument. I still have never cared enough to follow political issues, but anytime the subject does come up I remember that fact and see those pros and cons. Which leaves me feeling like both sides are right and the only thing that really matters is that one of them has the power to move forward with their agenda. For me, it doesn’t matter who’s in power at all. It just matters that somebody is.
Sure, that is a pretty passive way to look at things, but that is how I see it….
That being said, it turns out that I can’t and never will be able to vote in the state of Mississippi. They have more stringent restrictions on who can vote than most states. Unfortunately, I have a past that I’m not proud of and that prevents me from registering because of it….
On to other things….
The other conversation was with a friend from high school. I have seen her all of one time since we graduated, but we have been chatting a lot. Lately, she’s been having a lot of problems, a few months back she lost her job (still hasn’t found anything), family health problems left and right with her family and her husband’s family, her daughter needing major surgery, her son being diagnosed autistic, her being sick with a sinus infection, ear infection, and flu for the past three weeks or so; and on top of all that she and her husband have been having issues.
Not good at all. But apparently my naïve views on love and me talking to her about Tanja has been helping her, because its moving her to fix the distance that has come between her and Wayne. Now I know that I absolutely don’t have the experience/history to be able to give people advice on long term relationships. That isn’t what I have been doing at all. Instead I have simply talked to her about my own feelings for Tanja and how I do things (little things that don’t even take much effort) in order to keep those feelings strong, especially on days when real life is bring us down. Yes, she has quite literally laughed at my naivity in some of these conversations, but then maybe its that fresh look at love and how to express it that does so much good when people have been in a long relationship and lost sight of what it was like in the beginning.
I’ve also been linking certain blogs to her. One that really hit home for her was this post on Everything I know about being married. (yes, I read a lot of mommy/daddy/married blogs, even though I am nowhere near any of those stages in my relationship, I find them amazingly fascinating and very thought provoking). When I first read that post, I knew she absolutely had to read it. And even though I had been trying not to overtly talk to her about her marriage for my own reasons, I sent it to her immediately. Last night she admitted the effect it had on her and told me how it moved her to start making changes in her relationship with her husband.
Even though she is still sick as hell, she started taking the first steps in repairing their relationship and already he has started responding to them. From what she said last night, it sounds like he has begun taking steps on his own too. I think it will take time but with the both of them working at it, I have no doubts whatsoever that they will be able to get back the happiness that brought them together and that brought them two beautiful children.
From everything that I have seen, I know that kind of happiness is hard one, but it is oh so worth it. Just take a look at my friends (John and Maddie in particular) and the joy that I see in them as they are preparing to bring new life into their marriage. It is so damn beautiful! And I am happy for them all. :)
Happy Things:
Let’s see….being drunk dialed would probably be a harsh change in subject after talking about such high ideals as sustaining love over time and the beauty of bringing life in this world.
But then I am at a completely different stage in my relationship. Sometimes that worries me because it feels like I may not have a place within my friends’ lives any more. But after talking to Maddie the other day, I feel better on that note.
Actually, forget this drunk dialing girlfriend stuff. That is really what has made me happy this week. After my last post, I really felt the friendships I have with all of them by their reactions to the things I had to say in that.
I may have let Tanja take up all of my free time, but my feeling of friendship towards them has not changed one bit on my side, and the conversations I had, particularly with Maddie, made me realize that I don’t need to have those worries that have kept me up at night sometimes. |
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